Taking Care of Myself

by | Jul 21, 2021 | Community Stories

This is Part 6, the final article in a series of personal articles detailing what it is like to be a caretaker for Bipolar disorder, titled “Outside Looking In”

Read Part 1 here

Caring for a loved one with a mental health diagnosis is more than a full-time job. It’s a 24/7
proposition. And, while not every hour of every day is spent providing direct care, there’s a lot of
watching, observing, looking for subtle clues that my wife’s manic depression is about to
devolve into what we call an episode.

That watchdog mentality can be wearing. When episodes do arise and more acute care is
required, that’s when a loved one must set aside everything else and tend to the business at hand.
And that can be a 24/7 experience. In my wife’s case, she’s a fast cycler, so her episodes may
last for two or three days – maybe a week – and she begins to feel better. At that point, I can
assume a position of rest… antennae still up, but nothing else.

The constant cycle of care and watchdog can work on the caregiver’s psyche, too. We were
more than fortunate to have family members in relatively close proximity. My parents lived 90
minutes away and hers were about an hour away. Both sets of parents were always on call if we
needed them. At times, it was necessary for me to call on my parents to keep their
granddaughters for a few days while Becky and I endured her episode. Other times, Becky could
travel to her parents home and stay with them.

But more importantly for my own self-care, she could travel to her parents home on
weekends when she felt fine. That gave me the opportunity to let my guard down completely and
do what I wanted or needed… sleep-in, read, watch sports, or simply tackle chores around the
house that I had put off because of other pressing obligations.

That time was precious to me because it gave me a mental break and it gave me time to
process what was happening to my wife, how it was affecting our marriage, our children and our
future. When our children were small, she could take them along. Now that our children are
grown and out of the house, she’s able to take those trips on her own just to give me the down
time I need.

The other aspect of self-care that I practice routinely is to take things that are said in our
home with a grain of salt. I’ve come to expect her to make last-minute decisions, or to change
her mind and her plans without letting me know. I’ve learned to roll with the chaos it sometimes
bring and it helps to realize that it’s not Becky who can be so undependable, but her condition
that causes that character trait.

What I do know is that without a certain amount of self-care – and that amount differs for
everyone – I can’t provide the best care for my loved one that I am capable of. I don’t ever want
to let that happen, so providing myself with a little space to breathe is critical to making sure I’m
her best advocate all the time.


This is Part 6, the final article in a series of personal articles detailing what it is like to be a caretaker for Bipolar disorder, titled “Outside Looking In”

~ Johnny Whitfield is a former newspaper reporter and editor. For help, caregivers can turn to
organizations like Breaking Taboo, www.breaking-taboo.org, to learn more about their role as a
caregiver and how best to help someone with a mental health diagnosis.

more related articles

Hope for Treatment-Resistant Depression

Depression is a common and often debilitating mood disorder that affects millions. It is a significant global public health problem, and in the United States, 8.4% of adults and 17% of adolescents had at least one major depressive episode in 2020, with many of these...

Toxic Masculinity: Causing depression in men

“Man up!” “Boys don’t cry!” “Don’t be such a girl!” Sound familiar?  These are just a few of the toxically masculine insults that are proliferating within our current culture and society.  Men experience these types of sentiments daily. What’s worse, is so...

Suicide: The Other Pandemic

For the majority of us, September marks the start of Autumn. A long-awaited season bringing brisk air, warm apple cider, and the beautiful turning of leaves. But we mustn’t forget. It is also a month dedicated to the cause of suicide awareness and prevention, hence,...

How To Support a Loved One Going Through Depression

With over 17 million American adults suffering from major depressive disorder (1), it’s not unlikely that you may know someone who is currently living with this condition. Although professional treatment is invaluable in helping depressed individuals recuperate and...

Is it Depression or ADHD? You Could Have Both

Both Depression and Attention Deficit / Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) are very commonin our population. The National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH, 2021) shows statistics that theprevalence of the current adult population in the United States with ADHD is 4.4%; for...

Bipolar 1 Vs Bipolar 2, What’s the Difference?

Bipolar disorder is a severe chronic mental illness that affects millions of Americans today. It is a complex disease with various symptoms that can cause a multitude of issues for those that live with it. What makes bipolar disorder even more complicated is the fact...

Why Are Women More Susceptible To Depression?

Extensive research has revealed that one in eight women develop depression at some point in their lives, which is twice the rate of cases compared to men. (1) But why is that? What makes women more vulnerable to this condition? Before explaining the significance of...

Too Close to Home: Filipino Suicide and Depression

Many Asian Americans, especially Filipino Americans, struggle with mental illnesses such as depression, anxiety, and suicide. In fact, young Filipina women experience greater suicide ideation (45.6%) compared to other minorities (Javier et. al 2018). However, despite...

Antidepressants: How Does It Treat Depression?

A Word on Pill Shaming             There are a number of reasons that prevent people from seeking, and ultimately receiving mental healthcare. Clearly, structural barriers contribute to these cases (i.e. some tangible lack of access to medicine). More subtle but no...

The Neuroscience of Depression

What is Depression?  One of the world’s leading causes of disability, depression is a mental illness that is frequently experienced with symptoms of dejected moods, disinterest, excessive self-criticism, and many others. Given the pervasiveness of depression as an...

Why is anxiety so paralyzing?

“Why is anxiety so paralyzing?” If there is such a thing as various degrees of literal, I would say there should be a spectrum to define how deeply a life has been interrupted, paused, and frozen still. In my experience, it can be so physically paralyzing you would...

4 Lesser Known (But Effective) Psychotherapies For Anxiety

What if I told you, anxiety was an epidemic. In fact, according to NAMI, “Anxiety disorders are the most common mental health concern in the United States. Over 40 million adults in the U.S. (19.1%) have an anxiety disorder.” Most people are treated with Cognitive...

3 Powerful Ways To Stop Anxiety Now

Let’s Get Started. Anxiety affects everyone on planet Earth, everywhere from San Jose, California to San Jose, Costa Rica. It’s a part of being alive. It’s part of the human experience. But, it doesn't have to be. At least, not to the extent it plagues most...

How to Cope with Anxiety During Covid-19

We are all living in a critical time right now. Whether we are one of the hundreds of thousands affected with COVID-19, a loved one of someone affected, a health professional at the front lines, or like the majority, at home or working an essential job, doing the most...

How Sleep Deprivation Can Increase Your Anxiety

Anxiety is a pervasive problem that can be difficult to diagnose and treat. People try everything from pharmaceutical remedies to therapy, natural remedies, supplements, meditation, and more. Some find relief from their anxiety, but others continue to struggle, no...

The Psychology of Addiction

  Addiction is described as a condition in which a person engages in the use of a substance or in a behavior for which the rewarding effects provide a compelling incentive to repeatedly pursue the behavior despite detrimental consequences. An addiction can...

Everything Can Be Addictive: Part 1

Blog Title: “Addicted” Means Everything After the death of my older brother who died from overdose to guaifenesin, also known as Mucinex, I was shocked and appalled to see how many people were uneducated as to what an addiction is, including the authorities and...

Rehab, Prison, or Death: Why Rehab Doesn’t Always Work

When you think of rehab, you probably think of those lavish centers advertised on day-time television or the late and great Amy Winehouse’s single Rehab, where she testifies she’ll never go back and there’s nothing she has to gain from sitting in therapy for 10 weeks....

Which is Better? Luxury Sober Living vs Government Funded Homes

Sober living homes are used for people who want to maintain abstinence from alcohol and drugs. It can be difficult to return to a home environment that is not drug and alcohol free. Sober livings create a supportive place for recovering addicts to live during their...

What is a Panic Attack?

What is a panic attack? How long do they last? Are they scary? A panic attack is psychological and is an overreaction of your adrenal system. A panic attack can happen within a moment’s notice. They occur because there is a sense of danger and your mind and body start...

How Does Attention and Imagery Ability Relate to Emotion?

It seems evident that the depth that individuals feel and emotionally respond toward stimuli ebbs and flows. Consider, for example, how a person experiences deep elation and joy when listening to their favorite song yet later experiences a dulled affective response...

Mental Health IS physical Health, Exercise Boosts both!

Mental Health IS health. I’ve always said that, because it’s the truth. We can’t separate the two. Just like physical health IS health, mental health is health. I could actually argue that mental health might be even more so, since every single function in our body...

Mental Health Disparities in the LGBTQI+ Community

Among the many health disparities, a glaring one is the higher rate of mental health disorders in people who identify as part of the LGBTQI+ community. Widespread social and political discrimination have caused disproportionately high rates of poverty, homelessness,...

May- Mental Health Awareness Month Multidimensional Awareness

May is Mental Health Awareness Month. Which means that there is a lot of extra focus on mental health, mental illness, and breaking the stigma surrounding these two very important topics. We use that word a lot- “awareness”, but so many people don’t fully understand...

Hope for Treatment-Resistant Depression

Depression is a common and often debilitating mood disorder that affects millions. It is a significant global public health problem, and in the United States, 8.4% of adults and 17% of adolescents had at least one major depressive episode in 2020, with many of these...

Toxic Masculinity: Causing depression in men

“Man up!” “Boys don’t cry!” “Don’t be such a girl!” Sound familiar?  These are just a few of the toxically masculine insults that are proliferating within our current culture and society.  Men experience these types of sentiments daily. What’s worse, is so...

“Self Love” in the East VS west

“Self Love” has become one of the catchiest concepts being thrown around in Western society, a terminology seemingly present now everywhere we look; on billboards, all across our social media feeds, in meditation practices and therapy practices. It is now a popular...

Suicide: The Other Pandemic

For the majority of us, September marks the start of Autumn. A long-awaited season bringing brisk air, warm apple cider, and the beautiful turning of leaves. But we mustn’t forget. It is also a month dedicated to the cause of suicide awareness and prevention, hence,...

Somatization and Asking for Help: How Asian Populations Respond to Psychological Stress

The intricate mechanisms of the body alone, are quite remarkable; but once we add the functionalities of the mind to the mix, the body often succumbs to the mind’s agency in decision- making, be it conscious or sub-conscious. Although quite awesome and intricate to...

Getting Comfortable Outside of Your Comfort Zone

If you struggle with anxiety, depression, or self-doubt, you’ve likely struggled with stepping outside of your comfort zone. It makes sense - comfort zones lack variability - they are familiar, they are controllable, they are, well, comfortable. While we all deserve...