As a parent, there is a great deal of responsibility placed on one to ensure they are the ideal role model for their children to look up to. One has to be mindful of what morals or values they want to instill into their children to emulate. This can be true when understanding how parents can do more harm than good for their children when focusing on how impostor syndrome can come into play in a child’s development.
For context, impostor syndrome can also be known as impostor phenomenon, fraud syndrome, perceived fraudulence, or impostor experience. Those who experience it are described as high-achieving individuals who fail to internalize their accomplishments despite objective success, which can result in persistent fear and doubt of being exposed as a fraud or impostor (Kolligian Jr. & Sternberg as cited in Bravata et al., 2020, p. 1252). Also, some individuals who struggle with imposter syndrome may not feel as competent or intelligent as their peers while fearing that others will catch on, despite this not being the truth. Typically, such individuals can be well accomplished, whether professionally or having multiple academic degrees, for example (Psychology Today, 2024, p. 1).
Consequently, it can be helpful to note how impostor syndrome can greatly affect one, especially those who are younger or haven’t quite matured. By this, individuals or children in school who are still maturing can be affected by impostor syndrome early on. As time has progressed, children have voiced feelings of stress in school when under the impression that they can’t achieve success or be adequate. Such feelings can manifest into impostor syndrome once one becomes a teenager, with a reported 25 to 30 percent of high performers due to their parents. It’s important to emphasize how parents can play a great role in implementing the formation of imposter syndrome for their children throughout their childhood (Escalante, 2019, pp. 1-2).
More specifically, parents play a role in presenting the basis of imposter syndrome for their children through criticism or gentle praise without specifics. When a child hears the constant message of criticism pertaining to not being perfect, it can teach them that it’s the only thing that matters. As a result, parents take notice of any deviation from this unreachable standard. Dr. Suzanne Lawry, a psychologist at Georgia State University, mentioned how perfectionism is often associated with impostor syndrome, but not quite the same thing. Those who have the impostor phenomenon are identified as perfectionists with proven success yet feeling like a fraud (Escalante, 2024, pp. 2-3).
Concerning the implementation of gentle praise without specifics, it consists of parents sending messages to their children without much afterthought. Dr. Pauline Rose Clance (1985) found this early on in her research when parents say superlative things to their children without focusing on the specifics, which results in impossible standards to meet. For example, a parent may tell their child they are “The best artist ever.” Or parents can say that they are “The smartest kid in your school at math.” This sense of praise sends the message that parents have high expectations for their children, which leads to children feeling pressure to meet them. This can result in children hiding their less-than-perfect grades from their parents due to not wanting to disappoint them (as cited in Escalante, 2019, p. 3).
As a result, this sense of pressure to perform to attempt to achieve unrealistic expectations can take a toll on children. The act or behavior of children hiding failures or successes that aren’t deemed good enough can create a feeling of inauthenticity within children. More specifically, when children only show their best while hiding the rest, this presents them as feeling like a fraud (Escalante, 2019, pp. 3-4). This sense of constant pressure to succeed can take a toll on children, especially from a mental health standpoint. For example, children can develop depression, social withdrawal, or aggression (Claney, 2024, p. 3). The means of pressure applied from parents can have a great impact on children when they are at a time in their lives when they shouldn’t be put under this level of stress. Over time, the pressure can manifest into a negative mindset or imposter syndrome when not being able to fully enjoy one’s current success, achievements, talents, etc.
With this in mind, it’s crucial for parents to be mindful of what messages they are sending to their children, whether it was meant to be lighthearted or not. Children can misinterpret a seemingly harmless message when using gentle praise without specifics, or feel excessive pressure through constant criticism. Parents need to understand the gravity of their choice of words to prevent their children from developing a negative sense of self. Dr. Clance mentioned how parents can effectively prevent impostor syndrome in their children by listening to them. Parents should listen to their children detailing what they feel are their strengths and what challenges or weaknesses they are currently facing. Once conversation occurs, parents can begin to paint a more realistic depiction with their children of what they can and can’t do with encouragement. Such verbiage can include, “How can I improve something I’m struggling with?” Or there can be a conversation concerning, “What is something that I excel in?” Such a focus can shift the narrative to be more centered on encouragement (Escalante, 2019, p.4).
More specifically, parents should be conscientious in teaching their children that mistakes are simply a work in progress as opposed to final outcomes to alleviate stress. When a child understands that their mistakes serve as evidence that they are genuinely trying and learning altogether, it’s more difficult to convince them that they are an impostor of some sort. In addition, parents should utilize praising specifics. For example, parents can praise their children when noticing their effort to eat all their food on their dinner plate or how much time and effort they put into their art project. The effort parents put into praising their child can be a great confidence boost. This sense of attention, along with being focused on intentional listening, can aid children in feeling heard instead of hiding behind a mask (Escalante, 2019, pp.4-5).
Thus, it’s crucial for parents to understand how their choice of words can contribute to their children feeling like an impostor instead of being able to appreciate each of their accomplishments. The messages that parents send should be centered on appreciating or uplifting their children, not centered on their flaws or shortcomings. Parents have great influence and should be mindful as they progress through parenthood and all that it entails with a positive mindset.
~ Lauren Montoya
Lauren Montoya is a Southern California native with a background in sociology and liberal studies. She hopes to become a licensed mental health clinician in the future. Lauren is passionate about animal welfare, mental health, and the arts.
References
Bravata, D. M., Watts, S. A., Keefer, A. L., Madhusudhan, D. K., Taylor, K. T., Clark, D. M., Nelson, R. S., Cokley, K. O., & Hagg, H. K. (2020). Prevalence, Predictors, and Treatment of Impostor Syndrome: a Systematic Review. Journal of General Internal Medicine: JGIM, 35(4), 1252-1275. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11606-019-05364-1
Clance, P. R. (1985). The Impostor Phenomenon: Overcoming the Fear That Haunts Your Success. Peachtree Pub Ltd.
Claney, C. (2024, March 12). The Psychological Impact of Parental Pressure on Kids and Teens. Relational Psych. https:// www.relationalpsych.group/articles/the-psychological-impact-of-parental-pressure-on-kids-and-teens
Escalante, A., MD. (2019, October 23). The culture of perfectionism makes our kids feel that they can never measure up. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/shouldstorm/201910/how-to-prevent-impostor-syndrome-in-your-child
Kolligian Jr, J., & Sternberg, R. J. (1991). Perceived Fraudulence in Young Adults: Is There an “Imposter Syndrome”? Journal of Personality Assessment, 56(2), 308-326. https://doi.org/10.1207/s15327752jpa5602_10
Psychology Today. (2024, December 19). Imposter Syndrome. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/imposter-syndrome